My First Novel

First novel 'Improvisations on the Theme of unLove, or as he says "The Autobiography of a Bastard"' seeks would be friend, lover, and publisher. Must be dark, well connected with current literature, post coital modernism and willing to take a risk with daring, slim hardback volume, ambitious in scope, stylish and full of adventurous language, with hidden depths only to be revealed to the right eyes.

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Name:
Location: London, United Kingdom

Cultural gypsy currently anchored in London while completing a Masters in English. Abandoned at birth by German Missionaries in a remote Indian jungle I was found and adopted by a wandering group of jay monkeys. They'd studied Shakespeare from a book abandoned by Hamlet's father, and they taught me the use of the comma, and the mis'placed apostrophe. I wait impatient for the call of the publisher, but all I hear is the noise of the traffic and the howl of the tourists at the window.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

The Marketing Coverleaf

Take one bastard, plant in him the idea that he’s a Greek hero, add the devil as his twin and guide to his history, garnish with a handful of women(six in total), and then simmer for just over two hundred pages at fever pitch as he tries to unravel the life which has him now standing on a window ledge contemplating gravity; take out slowly and admire the autobiography of a bastard.

Indy is the man in question, and his life is literally on the brink. His parents think he’s a complete mess, his relatives refer to him as a loafer, and the women in his life now call him a bastard. And Indy? He doesn’t have a clue what he is. To the world he’s an Indian transplanted into the UK. He’s agreed to an arranged marriage, has fallen in love with an English colleague, and managed to become embroiled with a pair of Spanish twins. Into this exotic eclectic mix pops the ghost of his grandmother offering advice and a surreal shoulder, and after her comes the devil, to remind him how to hold the attention of an audience; no wonder Indy doesn’t know which side his life is buttered on.

This is Indy’s story, the autobiography of a bastard, and it’s also the story of the women in his life as they all try and make sense of what it is to be alive in a time of unlove.


NOTE: All posts on this blog are copyright of their author Pilgermann BM and a dim view will be taken of plagiarism and rip-offs

The synopsis

Indy's standing on the window ledge of his sixth floor flat contemplating suicide, when the devil appears beside him and strikes up a conversation. Indy’s just been abandoned by his latest girlfriend and his world is collapsing into itself. The devil tells him destiny is just an illusion, and life nothing more than a backward story waiting for the colour of memory. The value of life, he goes on, is measured by the number of memories we create. He asks Indy to entertain him with his story while he’s deciding whether to jump or not. When Indy replies he has no story, the devil retorts that this cannot be true, as everyone has a story. So Indy closes his eyes begins the story of his life with the women who've coloured his life.

He starts with his affair with Alli and its background: he’s an Indian transplanted into the UK, his marriage arranged, a choice between five handpicked women; his life is controlled by his parents’ ambitions. When he and his first wife meet, at a matchmakers’, they spark off a chemistry, which they subsequently explore by chasing each other through London, opening sexually and sensually to each other. His parents, however, had hoped for a submissive, domesticated woman; what they get is a free spirit one who knows her own mind and has aspirations for a life outside their ambitions for their son. After four years Indy is still struggling to free them from his parents and this is the moment he meets Alli.

Indy and Alli explore each other for nine months, are planning a new life together, when Alli suggests they should stay apart for six months, just to be sure of their intent. He agrees, and begins his wait, neglecting Azurra, neglecting his business and all the people around him. He suspends his life, becomes totally obsessed with the moment the telephone will ring signalling a reawakening.

While waiting he meets a Spanish woman waitressing in Earls Court. He's persuaded by a friend that this woman is the ideal candidate to bring him back to reality. Cara doesn't want a lover, just a friend. Indy’s open with her about his affair and his marriage, but this doesn't prevent her falling in love with him. They embark on a relationship, even though she thinks he’s a fool for believing Alli will return to him. But he can’t satisfy her need for him; he’s too pre-occupied with Alli. For him, Cara’s just a substitute until Alli's return. Only now, looking back, does Indy realise the pain he’s caused, and that he's been waiting for a mythical woman when she was always there in front of him. But that thought cannot change his past. Alli stays with her husband. Cara tired of waiting for him to open, moves on, and he's left to pick up the pieces of his marriage.

Meantime Azurra’s discovered copies of his correspondence with Alli. She confronts him, and he admits his guilt, tells her the affair is over. Indy tells the devil that she’s suspected him all along, and that she also knew about Cara. She’s just been waiting to get her revenge. Azzura then tells her side of the story, recalling her life with Indy, their marriage and how she tried to commit suicide after she discovered the correspondence. She plans her revenge: she sends a note to Alli's husband detailing the affair and intimating he’s still being cuckolded; she send another note to Cara’s address in Spain graphically describing what will happen to her. Having destroyed Alli's marriage she then asks Indy for a divorce. Indy turns to Cara for support. She introduces him to her twin, Zule. Finally he believes that she is the woman he's been waiting for; she's a mathematician, a philosopher and she matches his sexual appetite, and he thinks she can create him as the perfect number. But his parents have other ideas. They've invited him to India, and when he goes back, finds that they've lined up another woman for him. Unable to bear the social pressure he gives in to their demands and marries again. Back in London he pledges himself to Zule and determines he will not bring his new wife over to the UK. However he's caught in his traditions, the dreams of his parents, and the demands of a woman who's not willing to share him. What does he do? He goes into his obsessive shell and kills off any hope of a future with Zule. Now looking back he knows his obsession with himself, his unwillingness to share himself has lead him to the window ledge, where the story had initially started. The devil says if Indy is to live then he has to comprehend his history and recreate himself; he has to start at the beginning and fall in love with life, give himself totally to the woman now standing in front of him. Can he do it? Does he have the inner strength? He believes he does, thinks he’s discovered the meaning of that one word he’s been looking for all his life.

The Agent and the Author

A correspondence between an unknown author and the world of literary agency. Even the name doesn't ring through - how many agents, nowadays look at literary works? They want to deal with established writers, writers who are already published, not with the dregs beavering away dreaming of a break. So how does the process work? I've sent off a few exploratory emails and this is a record of the different threads.

The first rejection from Guy Masterton of The Marsh Agency
............................................................................................................................
Dear Pilgermann BM,

Thank you for sending us the sample chapters of your novel. We are
afraid that, despite its qualities, we do not feel sufficiently
enthusiastic to offer to represent your work.

We wish you better luck in finding representation elsewhere.

Yours sincerely,

The Marsh Agency


My Reply
.................
Guy,

Thanks for the reply. I'm glad that you recognised its qualities. And deflated that you could not summon up sufficient enthusiasm. 'C'est la vie' as the bishop said to the actress.

All the best

Pilger

The Letter

Dear......

I present a book about fornication, a book that has more begatting and spilling of seed than the Bible. It asks the question: How do you chart the progress of a penis? And it answers by holding a conversation with the devil while contemplating the pull of gravity from a sixth floor window ledge.

This book explores sex, the senses and its own sexually organic language, and places them all into a self perpetuating myth about a man's grand vision of himself.

Let me know whether you'd like to be titillated when you get tired of looking through the slush pile?

Pilger

Catfish and the Needle of Truth

http://everyonewhosanyone.com/

This is a site and a half. Wish I'd discovered it sooner. Hot shit or what! The guys has all the big players listed, and all with agent email addresses.

Mass mailing? Mass emailing is about to be launched.

All replies will be posted here.

Friday, May 06, 2005

The search for an agent begins!

The moment of truth: synopsis undergone its umpteenth revision; letter amended until I can hear the bloody thing moaning everytime I come near the pc; list of agents prepared and ready. What more do I need? Luck? Contacts? Every site I go to says the same thing: you need to be prepared to wait. Ten years in the writing and I'm getting a little impatient to see this baby delivered. The pain won't go away until the hardback emerges from the publisher's.
If there's anyone out there who can give any advice on getting agents, that would be most welcome. And any donations to keep me going wouldn't be turned away!
Look out world the best book since Ulysses is about to hit the road.